I found out a couple of weeks ago that TLW will be going on a four month deployment. I don't know how to feel. Lately I find myself not wanting to talk to him. I'll call him and then hang up in less than 15 minutes. I am preparing myself for the damage he will do on this deployment. I don't expect more from him; he couldn't even remain faithful to me on the regular time lengths. How can four months be any different? Needless to say if he messes up on this time it is over! I'm starting to look into jobs and apartments out of state. I am focusing on losing weight so the ARMY/NAVY would be my next options. I have little faith in him afterall, he did land himself in this situation. Lately, I try to hang up the phone before I hear him say "I love you." It isn't that I don't want to say it back, its just I don't believe that I love him. I try to avoid arguments by not talking as much and apologizing for everything. I don't have a connection with him anymore. I want to tell him things, but I just don't see the need anymore. I realized that I might have married the wrong person. I wish I didn't give him more chances than he deserved. I wish I could've waited to make him prove himself to me. If I really had to let TLW go I'd feel sorry for myself for not letting go when I knew I should have. I see myself having a complete mental breakdown. Im not going to act like it wouldn't offend me, but at the same time I will say: "I didn't expect more from you."
Like my granny said "No use in loving somebody who don't wana be loved."
