I am still on those stormy seas with TLW. He says that I do not care about his feelings. I do care! I care a lot. I express to him that I care in my own way(listening, talking, and comforting), but I do not know how to express it in a way to him that shows that I care. I thought thats what caring was always being their to help somebody no matter what the cost to you. I am ...lost! I do not know what else he would like. I offer to stop doing this and that, then he says "No, you do not need to do that." TLW is just so damn confusing sometimes! I wish he could tell me what he really wants from me. I try extremely hard! TLW says "You do not care/you do not understand." If I do not understand I always try to imagine myself in his place then I understand. I offer to buy him presents, but I just get rejected. I send him sweet letters even though we talk on the phone everyday. He thinks my letters are stupid. Its just every attempt that I try to make to show that I care I am shot down. TLW just does not understand how much it hurts me for him to say "You don't care M_!" It kills me every damn time! I am trying to be a good wife. I admit, I am not the same person I was last year. I grew a tough coat after he cheated. I want to get back to how I was last year before all the awful things he did to me. Each time I try I get so scared. I do not want to get hurt. I can honestly say that I am in love with TLW, but falling completely in love with him like I was last year; I do not know if I can ever summon courage that again. I am scared to get that close to him again. I married him because I am in love with him(please keep that in mind)! I am just scared to take a hand that led me into the depths of the darkest coldest hell. He killed the part of me that I gave to him to cherish and protect. Forgiveness comes from with in which means that I would have to forgive myself for believing and trusting him every time he lied to me about him cheating. I REALLY do not know if I can do that.
